When my mom died of cancer a few months after I was born, I was sure I'd met my quota for hardship for the rest of my life. One devastating hardship should be sufficient for the course of a lifetime, right? Because really, hardship should surely be a tasting, not an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. Nobody wants refills on hardship. Just one serving, if I must, please and thank you. One serving to build character and gratitude. Not a single portion more. Oh, and please also let me hand select the one I go through because those other ones are just a tad too hard.
I've had the sickening revelation this past year that I've been thinking this way my entire life. Without having any idea. Until I felt like I met my self-imposed "limit." Until I felt so overwhelmed that I felt helpless. Brought to my knees from the exhaustion from the expectation of ease. Emotionally drained because life is hard. Continues to be hard. And never holds the promise of not being hard. And I realized, I think many of us live this way without ever knowing it. The "just a dot, not a lot" mentality that comes from kids using glue bottles but applied to how we expect hardships to be. So you can understand my shock when I came to the revelation that I, in fact, had not been taken off of His hardship list for 2022/23 despite my persistent pleading. I was not only shocked but disappointed. Exhausted. And angry even. Angry with God because He didn't smooth my path. He didn't lay the pieces the way I wanted him to. And He most definitely didn’t remove any rocks. He led me to the valley. Gave me a good shove. And the abandoned me. It sounds ridiculous when I write it out. But it doesn't sound so ridiculous in my head when it's on repeat. Sadly, so many times it sounds right in my head. And in the moment, it's how I feel. But we can feel something and still recognize it's not the truth. Thankfully, our feelings don't dictate the truth. They can enhance it or distort it. But they can't change it. Now, I believed God would be waiting for me on the other side. But there was one problem I couldn't stop thinking about...what if I never made it to the other side? Or I never reached the end of the trial and I never was reunited with a pleased and proud God who praised me for having overcome my trials on my own. Did you catch that? Praised me. On my own. Sounds a little backwards, doesn't it? Envisioning God cheering me on from afar. And only if I proved myself to be strong. Because He's at the end and I'm smack dab in the middle of the valley with little real hope of making it to Him. As if I don't pull my weight or if I look weak asking for help along the way, it somehow lessens God's pride in me. Deepens his disappointment. Because we think that God is only present at the end. With conditions. Waiting for us after we've made it through all the heartache and the pain. We believe He's led us to a path and then let us walk, stumble, and fall on our own. Then, He flew over the valley to meet us on the other side. In reality, God has been there every step of the way. And He doesn't need us to "be strong" because He IS the strength. He is the sustainer. He is big enough to be strong for the both of us. Strength is not a condition for following God. Faith is. And the Source of strength itself is with us in the valleys of life. And He certainly doesn't shove us into the darkness because He rescues us from it. Not by moving us out of it, but by invading it. Permeating it. Shining light down and around it, lighting our path along the way. Guiding us with the Spirit, not removing the rocks, but providing a steady arm to rely on and move forward with. Reliable, steadfast, and faithfully present. He's not waiting on the other side. You don't have to make it to him. Because He comes to you. And He has never left you. He doesn't have a quota for your life or mine. He doesn't demolish the mountains or the valleys. He teaches you to climb over them and venture through them. How to be unafraid in His presence knowing that the valley trembles before the one who walks beside you. He holds your hands and steadies your steps. When we look at those who followed closely the steps of the Lord (and the Lord himself), their lives were incredibly hard. Arduous. Grueling painful at times. And yet, God met them in those moments. Does He not do the same for me? He promises His presence and love, not the absence of hardship. But He also doesn't give us a quota, a limit, or a cap to our struggles and burdens. Because what do we have to fear when He is with us? Nothing can separate us from His love. We can easily see God's handiwork when we look back at something He's brought us through. But can we look around, right where we are, and see it too? I think we can. If we train ourselves to see and seek His presence. When we step into valleys, we look at the mountains around us. And we lose sight of the presence beside us. Just like Peter and the waves. Same old story, different time. But God doesn't disappear. We just stop seeing him. Because we stop looking. We fear our circumstances. We dwell in our feelings. And in doing so, we limit our vision... but we don't change the scenery itself. We just change our view of it. And it's in these moments that I find immense gratitude that we have a God who walks before us AND beside us. And this is just a little side note for anyone who needs to hear it....Someone else's hard does not make YOUR hard any LESS hard. It just makes it a different KIND of hard. God doesn't weigh the scales and decide whether or not your hardship is weep-worthy. He just weeps with you. For you. Beside you. And reminds you that He too, knows great hardship. And it's because of the hardship He endured that our own hardships have an expiration date. An end. Perhaps not always on this side of life, but undoubtedly on the other side of life and into eternity. The mountains can be intimidating and terrifying. And God doesn't promise to remove them. But He promises that His goodness and loving kindness will follow you through, every step of the way. Regardless of whether you see it or not. His presence is not dependent on your vision. It's dependent on His unchanging character. Even when we don't feel it. Even when we can't see it. He doesn't move away from you. He steps closer to you. Reaches out. Grabs your hand and guides you through, stopping to hold you along the way. Reassuring you that He sends goodness and love to follow you all of your days. And this IS sufficient for a lifetime. No cap. No quota. Just abundant love and overflowing grace. And I've never needed to cross the valley to make it to Him. Because He's never left me. He's not only at the finish. He's at the beginning. The middle. And the end. And every step in between. So, when you're in the valley-at the beginning, middle, or end- don't forget to look around and see who it is that walks beside you, before you, and behind you. And I promise you, the view will be worth it.
1 Comment
Lisa Ann Kenny
6/14/2023 04:11:51 pm
You are a Joy; a Mary Joy. thank you for this blog.. it just affirmed the things Ive been thinking about and im grateful that I'm on the right path. He IS with us... Praise Him!!
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Mary Joy WilsonTrying to love others the same way as Jesus. Trying to learn more about living a life of love as I go. Archives
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